Avengerstuck
by roflpocalypse2014
Summary: Frightened, confused, and sometimes very angry human and alien god-children end up landing in the Marvel universe for reasons best left unknown. Ch.3. Spiderman's new friend hogs the bathroom, and Kanaya now chainsaws her way into new companions too! (hehe) Will the wonders never cease?
1. Chapter 1

Karkat hit the ground hard, landing badly on his shoulder and knocking the breath out of his alien lungs. He rolled a little on the grass, moaning- he was nauseous from the wonderful experience of spontaneous spatial displacement, or whatever Jade called it now. Damn, what a crazy human bark beast girl, especially after her getting possessed like that. What did she call it, grimbark? What even is that? What the fucking heck is it with this universal, omnipresent shitty wordplay fetish that everyone literally has and refuses to question?

The troll opened his eyes and realized that he was face-down in the dirt. Perfect, just grub-fondling, bulge-licking perfect. He let out a string of Alternian curses, and roughly pushed himself up with his hands. Once he got into a sitting position, he continued to brush dust out of his shirt while nonchalantly looking around. In his opinion, the whole 'random teleportation anywhere in space' trick was pretty old news, and everyone should really just get over it. The only thing left to do was to either strife it out with Jade, which meant certain death, or just deal with wherever you were and move on. No one had to necessarily be a mindless, grinning, flying, teleporting, bucktooth chump about it, but whatever.

As Karkat looked around, he began to wonder who's planet he was on. The place he landed in was a neatly trimmed lawn, surrounded by some small trees and an ordered maze of walkways. There were some outdoor lamps and wide, wooden plank chairs lining the walkways. The sky was black and starless, but he could see tall, lighted structures far off in the distance. Overall, he didn't immediately hate this planet too much- it sort of reminded him of a softer version of home. He could have preferred more small wild beasts to hunt and consume, though- one could only go so far on tiny, nasty, purple hummingbirds.

His stomach growled suddenly, making a sound that reminded Karkat uncomfortably of his lusus. Reflexively, he reached into his Sylladex, to retrieve something to eat- only to realize, after several minutes of fruitless 'patting', that his inventory was totally empty. In fact, his storage system had completely disappeared. All of his items were, in fact, scattered randomly around him.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT," Karkat said, before trying to pull all of his items into an ordered pile. He was thankful to still have his Claw Scythes and, surprisingly, a Chair. Then, he found a clear bottle of yellow liquid, labeled with an unusually exuberant apple caricature. Wait, what the hell? Is that… is that apple juice? How did you get apple juice? Where would you even find that?

Karkat stared at the Apple Juice thirstily, his fingers caressing the green, ridged cap. Supposedly, Dave gave it to him a while back, and he just took it. It was a gift between bros, no big deal. Bros give consumable gifts to each other all the time, he thought. (Unless that's not apple juice.) WhAT? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT? WHY WOULD IT NOT BE APPLE JUICE? (It could be…) WHAT, WHAT THE FUCK COULD IT BE, JUST SAY IT ALREADY OR STEP THE FUCK OFF. WAIT…IS DAVE TRYING TO KILL ME? OH MY- HOLY SHIT, HE IS, ISN'T HE, THAT ROTTEN BASTARD. (Karkat, I think that may be human pee you're holding.)

Karkat dropped the bottle and jumped away from it, as if it burned him. After a few tense seconds, he picked it back up. The young troll actually was really thirsty, and he could not identify another source of hydration anywhere nearby. It was possible that Dave actually gave him apple juice and not pee, wasn't it? Bros don't give each other their biological waste products in refreshment containers, right? Unless that was a gross human thing.

Karkat's fingers lingered on the green cap. It wouldn't really hurt to just smell it, obviously. If it smelled good, he'd drink it. If not, he'd ditch it. It was a simple solution. Unless DaVE WANTED ME TO SMELL HIS PEE, WITH HIS DENTED, PERVERTED, TWISTED LITTLE COOL-KID THINK PAN. The troll stopped touching the lid, and began hyperventilating furiously.

Suddenly, a scream erupted from behind him. Turning around, Karkat saw a horn-less troll running away from a distressed human female.

"My purse!" she screamed, uselessly staring after the thief as he ran past the alien.

Karkat would have cared less about stopping an adult troll from doing anything, especially with whatever grand theft heist he or she thought he or she could get away with without being caught and brutally executed. However, he soon noticed that the thief actually was not a troll- just a human male wearing a stupid gray hood over his face. He also felt sorry for these poor Consorts- they were always obviously too peaceful to root out the morally devious in their ranks. It was probably because of Terezi's many monologues, but Karkat legitimately felt the need to help the human female.

Grabbing his Crab Scythes, he swiftly ran after the thief, catching up to him in three seconds. He tackled him headfirst, using his unusually nubby horns for their supposed use- surprise attacks to the back. It worked. The thief grunted loudly, and tumbled heavily onto the pavement, dropping a small purse.

Karkat took a strife stance, and prepared to finish the scum off if necessary.

Meanwhile, the thief got up to his feet, and began cursing at his attacker. "You're gonna regret that you little-" the man started, before losing track of his thought. "Wait, hold up, you're not Spider Man. What even the fuck are you supposed to be?" The man's mouth curled into a grin. "Cat-boy? An X-men reject?"

Karkat did not know how to respond to that, so he crouched into a leaping stance, lowered his weapons in preparation, and let out a deep growl. "Give. Back. The. Bag," he intoned, using his sternest voice- and wondering since when did Consorts get so adept at talking. Also, when did Consorts turn out human?

The thief backed off, the airs on the back of his neck standing up. He never felt so much pent-up rage in anyone before, especially not from a mutant runt. Mentally, he berated himself, laughing. "What, are you gonna make me? I oughtta cut you for wasting my time, kid. But I tell you what- run back home to mommy, right now, and I'll forget you were even here." Lazily, he pulled out a pocket knife and waved it around.

This was enough for the troll. Quickly, he leaped to the right of the man and swung his scythes upward- slashing the man vertically through his coat and the bottom of his mask. His chin was nicked, and it bled a little down his neck. Stunned, the man swung wildly out with his knife- only to miss as Karkat ducked and shoved into his stomach. Once again, the man fell- this time onto his back. He dropped his knife on impact, which Karkat violently kicked away. The alien then kneeled on the man's chest, holding his scythes to his exposed, lightly bloody neck. Karkat stared into the man's eyes, suddenly frozen with indecision. Now what? Terezi would have killed him by now, but Karkat wasn't going to slit a guy's throat for taking a little bag. Why the hell did he even do this anyway, the human woman should have stopped him herself. Now Karkat was stuck bullying this poor sack of shame and tears and-oh wow, was he crying?

"Hope I'm not interrupting-" The troll's head snapped up at the sound of this new, surprisingly annoying voice. Suddenly, his elbows were hit with something that stuck hard and yanked him off his victim. The troll was rapidly slung around a tall lamp post, so that he ended up hanging down from it- and wrapped up in a web-like material. Karkat immediately began remembering the giant spiders native to Alternia, and began screeching, cursing, and flailing in horror for a good minute.

"-Well, actually, I was hoping, because you looked like you were about to fillet Joe the plumber over there," Spiderman remarked casually to Karkat, who was not listening at all. Spiderman sat on top of the lamppost, just relaxing right after 'subduing' the crying, bleeding thief to a tree. He also had returned the purse, because Spiderman needed some positive publicity. Sighing, he swung down next to the alien.

"Hey, little guy, you can calm down now. Big breathes, you're okay," he cooed to the strange, grey, horned boy.

Karkat stopped flailing, and stared at him. "Who-What-."

"Everything's fine, you're not in danger," Spiderman stated slowly. "So what happened to you? I'm thinking that maybe, you got lost on the way back to your spaceship, and then you got all scared and confused? Maybe you're a little junior crime fighter on your planet?" he paused. "Hablas ingles? Are you a mutant or something? Like do you have actual powers, or do you just turn grey and grow those orange Snausages on your head? Haha, like a wonky version of the Hulk."

Karkat's eye twitched at the sound of 'mutant', but otherwise, he said nothing.

"Bluh. You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you little guy?" The spider-themed hero scratched his chin. "Hmm. What do, what do… I guess I could take you to S.H.I.E.L.D., where they might know more about alien stuff than me. But then again, they might not know you, and they might dissect you. The Avengers probably don't need another member yet, not that you wouldn't make an outstanding sidekick. And, they might also maybe dissect you, I think. The Fantastic Four…" He continued to ramble off names under his breathe.

The troll, meanwhile, continued to glare at Spiderman. Just as another annoying human boy left his life, another entered. This one, though, this one would not stop talking, and apparently had the ability to shoot webs out of his hands and be a spider. Not another chump bucket, not another smarmy little bucket stain, pee-filled bottle, and cull-bait on the universe's record of existence.

Abruptly, Karkat stopped thinking. He could feel something rising in him, something familiar; something he never thought he would feel again. From the depths of his Trollian heart-like organ, he felt his one gift to his universe rise up once more. It was a dark, burning feeling, that could only be described as an evil fire that burned only soul-destroying-ly hot. Black romance, hate at first sight. It was his gift to Egbert, who blew it out as dismissively as a fart canceling a forest fire. But now it was his to give again. (Somewhere, a music montage of everything in this chapter occurred, to the sweet sound of How do I Live Without You, ending in a close-up and slow zoom-out of Karkat's eyes containing spade-shaped pupils.)

Spiderman finally stopped talking and waved a hand in front of Karkat's face. "Hey, little guy? Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned that he traumatized the poor thing.

Karkat muttered something.

"Uh, what? Sorry, you're gonna have to speak louder, dude."

He muttered again.

"Oh, hey, you can talk? Cool! This'll definitely make my job approximately 20% easier, give or take-"

"I SAID GET ME THE FUCK DOWN, YOU STUPID RAMBLING NOOK SUCKING IDIOT. I CAN'T FEEL MY STUPID SHIT LEGS, BECAUSE YOUr ROTTING, PUTRID, HIDEOUSLY MOIST THINK PAN THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO MASTURBATE TO THE SOUND OF YOUR OWN SHITTY ASS VOICE THAN TO LET ME GO, YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE ARACHNA-DUMBASS. YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. JUST. NO. JUST PUT ME THE FUCK DOWN."

Hi, this is my second fanfiction ever, but my first time on . Sorry if this chapter was too wordy or ooc, I usually try to remain as in-character as possible. This means that there isn't going to be straightup shipping and pairing in here. I guess if you're a slash shipper, you can read this as 'Karkat is thirsty for Dave's piss, and then gets tied up'? If not, I'm sorry you had to read that, ahaha.


	2. Chapter 2

A short time later, in the city nearby, Tony Stark was retiring to his room after a fun and sexy night of finding out a way to improve the lives of human beings all over the world via the usage of science and engineering. Except it was not actually sexy at all, and in fact, Stark actually felt he was really imagining more Iron Man specs to prototype. It was really starting to become an issue: one minute he would be 'raring' to think about corporate revenue and shareholders and the current state of the economy and government shutdown, and the next he'd be thinking about what would happen if he made a Spider-themed Iron Man suit that was not actually meant for Spiderman. What would happen if he made suits based on all of the superheroes? What if he replaced all of the superheroes with actual autonomous Iron Man suits? What if he stopped slowly metamorphosing into the cause of a future, massive, robot-lead genocide against all organic life?

Stark shook his head warily as he exited the elevator to his large, window-abundant penthouse and made his way to his classy kitchen-bar.

"Welcome home, sir," said Jarvis, as the A.I. lit up the table and alcohol shelves in a muted neon blue 'nightlight' feature. It looked like a bar that would exist in Tron if Tron existed in the Marvel universe. "I would not advise you to be drinking at this hour. But if you insist, then might I suggest something that will not incapacitate you entirely in the morning?"

Iron Man hefted himself into a chair. "Sorry, Jarvis- I hope you mean my favorite, 'cause I think I'm waking up after lunch tomorrow anyway."

"You have three meetings with several key investors and board members tomorrow morning."

The man scoffed. "Why, thank you, Siri. Reschedule all events to the day after."

Jarvis was silent for a moment, but Tony could have sworn he heard a sigh. "Very well."

As Stark's favorite alcoholic beverage was prepared automatically by a series of cool mechanical processes juggling around a glass mug, Tony stared out a window. An organized constellation of man-made 'stars' defined the city in the dark, including moving headlights on the roads and numerous, immobile office lights left on. A plane, or a small S.H.I.E.L.D. carrier, blinked lazily overhead, like a slow cluster of red dwarfs. However, Stark was not looking at all of this. For the first time in a long while, Stark thought about his friends. The Avengers.

After the Loki incident- the super-powered god and demon portal di-threat ending in a trip for schwarma- Stark assumed that he finally had an organized fighting force against crime that wasn't set on putting a leash on him (a.k.a. S.H.I.E.L.D., the U.S. government, etc.). Then, the Mandarin fiasco happened, and suddenly Iron Man became the lone hero. He could understand that Thor had some Narnia-level emergency he had to attend, but where the fuck were Steve and Bruce? Shit, where the fuck were even Clint and Natasha? Weren't they a part of S.H.I.E.L.D.? What on earth was more important than the Mandarin? This was exactly why he had to think about robot superheroes- because shit like this happened.

Tony's drink slid out in front of him, turning him out of his reverie. "Thanks, Jarvis," he announced, before taking a small sip.

The lights suddenly flickered, then turned on fully- nearly blinding and scaring the crap out of Iron Man.

"Jesus Christ, Jarvis! I said 'thanks', not 'I'm turning you into a real boy!'" he exclaimed.

"Sir, there is an unidentified intruder on the premises."

"What, not the janitor on level five? Calm down, he forgets to buzz in sometimes, we talked about-"

"It is not Mr. Nelson," Jarvis intoned, sounding annoyed. "The intruder is in your immediate vicinity, approximately three feet away from you."

"How-What even-"

"I do not know, sir."

Tony glared pointedly at the ceiling, which he felt represented the A.I. well enough. Sighing, he decided to humor the possibly malfunctioning cybernetic intelligence and turn around.

Approximately three feet away from him, clinging to the back of a savvy Ikea couch, was a breathless girl with white dog ears and long, tangled black hair in a black cloak. As she slowly raised her head to face him, he accidentally made eye contact with her startlingly green eyes. Her lips rapidly curled into a snarl, and her being flickered a little with a static green energy. Tony leaned away at the sudden light show. An odd whirring sound erupted, as multiple rifles and machine guns to rise out of various hidden compartments in the room- including from the bar table, right next to Stark.

The girl reluctantly pushed herself off the sofa and hunched over threateningly, her gaze flickering dangerously between the weapons. The girl rocked slightly on her feet, as if she could barely remain standing. But her eyes maintained a panicked, predatory alertness. A deep growl began in her chest, rising in bass, emanating from her- and shook the base of Tony's spine. A tense standoff ensued between the exhausted Hero of Space and the A.I.

Tony suddenly realized that he still held on to his drink. As he slowly attempted to place it on the table, he noticed that the girl's gaze quickly shifted to the glass. For a split second, a fleeting look passed across her haggard face, and her nostrils flared- as if savoring the pungent odor. He noticed that her ears twitched upwards, a sign that Tony noticed and vaguely recognized. Eventually, Stark relinquished the drink, before warily rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"Jarvis?"

"Sir?"

"Disengage the weapons."

"…Sir, I would ill-advise that particular course of action in this very moment."

"Yeah, I know." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb. "Just trust me on this one."

A moment of hesitation occurred, before the weapons all withdrew into their hidden compartments. For all intents and purposes, Stark's penthouse returned to being just a penthouse- not a death trap for unexpected intruders.

"Thanks again, Jarvis," Tony announced. He then turned back to the girl, who now had stopped growling and glaring too threateningly. Once the danger to herself was removed, she appeared to have calmed down. The girl continued to lean on the couch for support, and she now observed the man with a wary, but otherwise neutral gaze.

Iron Man cleared his throat, feeling awkward. "So, uh..." He slipped off of his chair and gestured towards a large, silver fridge behind the bar, which sometimes functioned as a kitchen. "Hey, are you okay? Do you need some water, or something? Or, uh, snausages? You can sit down if you want."

The girl regarded him vacantly, and then shook her head sharply.

"No… Thank you," she spoke softly. "Sorry, I… I got here by accident." She straightened her back, with a groan. "I'm so, so sorry… I should, I should be going…" She flickered with green static.

"Wait!" Tony shouted, causing the girl to flinch back into solidity. "Gah! Sorry, sorry. Just, don't leave yet! You can't just infiltrate an Avenger's home base and then expect to just beam out of it, no questions asked?" Iron Man scratched his chin. "Crap, you can't just 'accidentally' beam yourself into Iron Man's apartment, out of all the places to beam yourself to." He shook his head. "Also, one- if you really have no control over your powers, then you shouldn't be using them, and two- unless you're acting, I'm guessing you're on the verge of collapse. Don't you, I don't know, want to wait until you're sure you won't teleport yourself into an active volcano?"

She shrugged. "I… fell into an active volcano once," she remarked. Her ears flicked. "Did… Did you say 'Iron Man's base'?"

Stark nodded. "Uh, yeah. Didn't the face and the cool domestic weapons give me away? Or maybe the fact that you could not have just 'accidentally' teleported here?" He stepped away from the fridge. "Wait, did you say you fell into an active volcano?"

The girl smiled, revealing an overbite of her two front teeth. "Oh! No, well, actually, I was thrown on the surface of the lava by this troll girl, and so I skipped on the surface like a rock on water. But it was okay though, because I was unconscious, and I have these cool healing abilities. I was also possessed before that, so there were no hard feelings with her. So, if you are Iron Man, does that mean that the Avengers are real? That you have a lot of superpower friends and stuff?" She was standing entirely up now, and she stepped away from the couch's support.

Tony was taken aback by her forwardness. "Gee, why, no- we're all actually comic book heroes and you're actually having a coma dream," he retorted sarcastically. "Of course we're real! What, did you teleport out from under a rock? I don't believe this- did you sleep through the Loki-demon portal thing?"

Suddenly, she was laughing- it was a squeaking, gasping, yet utterly cheerful sound, which was almost as loud as her growling. She then walked up to Tony and began shaking his hand enthusiastically. "Oh, wow! This is so great; I get to meet you, and I get to find a universe with more protection, and- this is so great- my friends are going to love it here- and I have like a billion friends with superpowers, and some are aliens, and some are nerds who just love you guys, like John, and, I have, uhm, a bajillion friends who are total techno-geeks, like me, and-" She then let out a heavy sob, which distorted her facial features so that she looked utterly miserable. The girl soon caught him tightly in a hug.

Tony suddenly wondered if this girl was his illegitimate daughter. She shared the same hairline as him, and a similar nose and brow line. He also wondered why she was so dang strong, why she had dog-ears, and what the hell was she talking about. He patted her head gently, avoiding the ears, not knowing what else to do.

Eventually, the girl pushed herself off the poor man, and then determinedly started rubbing at her eyes. "Guh! Oh gosh, sorry, sorry, it's just that you're the first adult I've seen in a long time! And also my role model; I even have my own armor based on your designs!" She stopped wiping, and looked at him with bright green eyes. "Gosh, it's really dang cool to meet you- and to be on earth again, wow." She scratched the bottom of her dog ear, as if thinking about what else to say. "Oh! My name is Jade, Jade Harley. I'm a hero too, I guess- I am a Witch of Space."

Jade suddenly flinched, as if her title reminded her of something, and made sure to look Tony Stark in the eyes. "Oh, oh my god, I almost forgot- earlier, I dropped a boy in your world by accident, and I'm not sure where he is now. But- I think this is the best place I will ever find for us and for him." She paused, asif waiting for questions, then quickly continued. "I want to look for him, really, but I am really running short on time." She took Tony's hand. "Can you look after him for me? His name is Karkat, and he is grey with nubby horns. He also wears this shirt with a Cancer sign on it." She released Tony and made the sign with her hands.

Tony backed up onto his seat, and picked up his drink. "Uh, sure, Karkat. Boom."

Jade nodded. "Great. In the meantime, I'm gonna bring more of my friends here, so that they can all stay alive. Is… is that okay? Some will look like Karkat, and or will be humans with cool powers like mine- but who are not mutants," she added, as if that detail mattered. "Please, this is really important," she murmured. "We have nowhere else to go, and I am getting very tired…"

Stark swirled his old drink, feeling drained. "Well, unless your friends are either dangerous or number in the 'bajillions', then I think you're good to go.'

Jade smiled. "No, they're not dangerous at all!" she exclaimed. "Well, maybe one or five of them, but otherwise, no. And there's only about thirty of us." She was quiet for a moment, before looking back at Stark with her green eyes. "Thank you, Mr. Stark. I don't know how to thank you, but I will when I'm done." The entirety of Jade then dissipated into a flash of static green- which vanished altogether.

Tony stared at the place she once was, wondering if he just made a terrible mistake for his possible furry space-witch daughter, or if he was just having hallucinations from breathing in metal-welding fumes. Soon, he bolted down the entirety of his drink, and later went to bed.

Thank you for the reviews! Usually, I try to update once every two weeks~

Kawaii Youkai Hime

Xodiac 451


	3. Chapter 3

Peter Parker woke up to the sound of an intense beeping. At first, he stared vacantly at the ceiling, wondering if he was having a seizure- and if his mutated spider-heart was finally going to give out, due to having a spider-proportionate life span. Then, he realized his alarm clock was just ringing, he was not dying, and that it was a weekday. A school day.

"Aw, nerts," he grunted, as he pushed off his bed covers. Being a good superhero and a good high school student was grueling, delicate work- he had to balance not accidentally breaking criminals' spines, not accidentally pissing off the general public, getting home before curfew, finishing advanced placement homework due the next morning, and not accidentally revealing your secret identity in gym. Thank God he only needed that one semester of gym.

Peter slid out of bed, trudged out of his room, and hopped to the bathroom door, planning to get his morning routine going. He pushed the door wide open with his hand.

"AH! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL, YOU-"

Peter quickly shut the door.

Footsteps shuffled from downstairs. "Peter, are you all right up there?" called up Aunt May.

"Just fine! I, uh, I just stubbed my toe," he yelled back.

"Oh… Are you sure you're fine? Do you need an ice pack?"

"No. Yes. I'm fine, don't come up here."

After Peter was certain that his aunt wouldn't check on him, he wondered what the heck he actually saw when he opened the bathroom. He also wondered what the heck the little guy was doing in there, and for how long he would be doing it. It was a like a Discovery Channel mystery.

Eventually, Peter gathered up his courage and braced himself for the unknown- he reopened the door, entered the tiny bathroom, and engaged the lock behind him. He then turned around.

The little grey mutant boy was glaring indignantly at him, sitting on a closed toilet like it was a chair. In his hand was something that looked like a touch phone. Peter was secretly relieved.

"I'm sorry, but if you didn't notice, this room is goddamn OCCUPIED," the little boy growled. "Couldn't you tell by the closed door, or do you humans just BARRICADE it with useless furniture like you're all lusii? Or is it because you have the tiny, putrid think pan of a personal-space-challenged spiderdouche?"

"I… What's a lusii?" Peter asked, suddenly distracted. "Wait… Hold up. Okay, first of all, this is a bathroom, not a phone booth. You don't need to go to another room and probably scare the crap out of my aunt just to text your friends. Second of all, this is MY bathroom, and I need it in the morning to do my human things. Such as utilizing that chair that you're sitting on to evacuate my waste products. Thirdly, you're probably the last person on earth who should be making wild, unfounded inferences on the nature of my intellect based on what theme of vigilante identity and abilities I retain." He crossed his arms and glared down at the little man. "And fourthly, there was a LOCK on the door. You can LOCK it if you want privacy, like if you were actually doing something IMPORTANT in here." He gestured wildly at the knob.

The mutant glared at him in silence, and Peter noticed that his eyes were a vibrant shade of yellow- like a feline or avian predator. For an uncomfortable moment, Peter wondered if the boy was going to fight him using some other hidden powers. Then, the boy lowered his eyes and releasing a deep sigh. "Oh. Well, shit. I'm sorry. I know what a bathroom is, and I'm sorry if I insulted you. It's just… I came in here because I just wanted to contact my friends, without waking you up. I didn't know if you were a light sleeper or not- shit, I know people who wake up stabbing the air because someone breathes too loud." Karkat looked down at his phone. "But for some reason… I can't get their signal, or something." He stared at the device in his hands.

Peter scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling awkward. "Oh… Um… I'm sorry about that. Maybe… their call plans don't reach this far?" The teen quickly picked up his toothbrush and squeezed mint paste on it, not knowing if he could recover from that lame-ass joke.

The grey kid sighed. "Bluh… I don't know, maybe. It would explain all the other fucked up shit that has occurred as of late."

Nodding slowly, Peter then commenced brushing his teeth- because he still had to go to school, and not get gum disease. Luckily, the mutant seemed totally okay with it.

"Hey, you wanna know something?" the kid asked.

The human let out a muffled, frothy "What?"

"It's really weird, but I kind of have another spider-themed 'friend', except she's nothing like you. She's sort of a bitch, and sometimes you have to bite back at her or she'll rip you apart. She meddled in a lot of things, fucked her friends up a lot, fucked herself up a lot, and now she's dead. But, she always did things for some morally 'good' reason, even if her way was twisted and self-serving… I think she's doing better now, but it has been a while since we spoke." The alien boy looked up at him. "Hm. Well, anyways, I think what I'm trying to do, in my own sick, masochistic, self-touching way, is to right now explain why I was such a douche to you earlier. Granted, you're a bit of an annoying spider-themed tool, but at least you're not a horribly violent and manipulative spider-themed tool."

Peter stared at him. Then, he let out a muffled "Cool."

After Peter was nearly finished, the boy spoke again. "As a matter of fact, you're kind of like the freakish, mixed-species hybrid offspring of both her and John, my other human 'friend'. Except if the child was a Caucasian human boy. You've got her passive-aggressive mocking-intimidation and spider thing, and John's natural human grinning annoyingness. And maybe both of their fucked up senses of entertainment. How do you feel about Con Air and shitty movies starring men with long faces?"

Spiderman rinsed his mouth with water, and sighed. "Okay, I'm about to be offended again. Do you mind getting out now so I can use the toilet?"

"Sure, no problem,"Karkat replied. He later got violently confounded by the door lock.

Farther away from the troll, but on the same planet, another of his species supposedly materialized out of nothingness.

Like Karkat, she appeared in mid-air in a random location. Unlike him, she had materialized twenty feet higher and still landed lightly on her feet, using her rainbow-drinker strength and balance.

Also unlike Karkat, Kanaya got to watch her items, including various vials of colored liquids, crash around her in a shower of color and glass. She watched as thousands of delicious, expensive potions were reduced to paint and crystal on the cold, stone floor beneath her.

Kanaya let something like a squeak escape her. "Oh, No," she announced quietly, as she knelt among her ruined treasures. She held her shaking hands over a fair-sized pool of blood, where a generous amount of many colors had mixed in- making a dull brown color. The rainbow drinker froze in place, internally debating whether or not it was okay to consume contaminated vitals.

Eventually, Kanaya managed to find a pit of self-respect within her, which was not too difficult to locate. The jade blood slowly stood up and looked down at the ruin beneath her. The blood of her friends, mixed together and congealing in the open air, produced a sickening mural on the floor- like a subjuggulator's magnum opus. Her lips curled in disgust, and she looked away.

The troll was inside a large, stone chamber, lined with suits of armor and decorative weapons. Jade green banners gave the chamber its only other color, aside from grey. Sunlight from a white sky came in from a barred window high above her. In summary, it was a dreary room.

Kanaya made sure that she still had her lipstick, in case of an emergency. She located it and made sure to remember to hold it at all times; apparently, her strife specibus ceased functioning in this new, strange world. Then, she pushed her way through the single exit in the room.

Kanaya had expected a surprise of some sort in the next area. What she did not expect was a company of seven robots in a cramped space activating in her presence and threatening to destroy her.

Jade-cloaked automatons with cruel, angular faces simultaneously turned to her as she opened the door. "Face the might of Doom," they announced in a loud monotone, before firing bolts of pure, green-tinted energy from their gauntlets.

Kanaya reflexively engaged her chainsaw, and leaped into the center of the room. She landed a foot onto the face of a Doombot, and used the height to swing her weapon through the neck of one nearby. Gracefully, she leaped off the staggering robot she had kicked, slapped away a raised arm, and carved her chainsaw right through another robot. The room was surprisingly small, so the remaining Doombots were forced to cram near to each other to avoid her, or to get stuck in a corner where she stabbed them through the chest. In any case, she was finished in about five minutes.

As if by afterthought, a grinding noise came from the room- and, with a shudder, the walls suddenly started pushing towards her. Rolling her eyes, Kanaya dashed to the other side of the room and chainsawed through another door.

Once again, a different, larger room greeted her, with more robots and a trap. Once again, she slayed all of the robots- except this one required more movement and time from Kanaya.

The next time, the floor was a large pit, and the robots could fly. The next time, Kanaya leaped well over the floor by using the robots as mid-air stepping stones.

The floor afterwards had spikes in the wall, which it shot out at intervals. Some hit the robots. One hit Kanaya straight through the stomach, making the hole that was already there a tad bit bigger. Her bandage was ruined, and the troll started to think that this place was getting rather stupid and pointless.

At the fifth room, which was in pitch darkness, Kanaya realized that her original belief was true.

After the tenth room, Kanaya began carving through anything in the room besides the door, which yielded mixed results. Like lava.

At the twenty-third room, Kanaya said the F-word at a pile of fifty robot corpses she had produced.

At the fiftieth room, Kanaya could have sworn that she had finally achieved god tier- by killing so many damn robots and mastering her space powers by jumping clear over a very, very large pit of fire.

Exhausted, the troll came to rest at a long corridor with nothing but robots- which she had slayed earlier. She soon pulled out her phone and checked it, hoping to find any hope from Pesterchum. She had hoped to at least establish herself wherever she was before assuring her friends that she was all right. However, things were not all right, and all she established was that she was in a very awful, very dreary, and overall very shitty place.

Unfortunately, no comfort was there- her communicator, a handheld device that Karkat managed to produce for her, apparently had run out of power. It refused to switch on.

Slowly, Kanaya put her phone back in her pocket and slid to the cold, stone floor beneath her. She closed her eyes, wishing to go to sleep. As a member of the undead, she had not needed rest at all since her transformation- except until now. Her training campaigns had never gone on this long, without a determinate end full of reading, sewing, and conversations with her latest moirail or red crush. Her mind began to wander to Karkat and Vriska, and finally Rose…

A muffled noise brought Kanaya back to the present. She looked around, startled.

"Hello?" she called out, her voice wavering in the still air. Nothing responded.

Dejectedly, the troll leaned back to the wall.

The muffled sound resumed, a tad bit louder. Excited, Kanaya pushed her ear against the stone wall of the room. Although a normal troll would not have heard it, the girl's rainbow-drinker ears picked up a faint voice from behind the wall. Excited, Kanaya stood up. She then engaged her chainsaw to full power, and began drilling straight into the stone.

"This wouldn't have happened if you had just followed the damn tracker!" Kitty Pryde yelled at Logan, as he took a long swig from a beer he had somehow magicked out of his suit. "Fucking great idea, Sherlock. 'Screw the rules, kid, I have wolverine instincts.' Well guess what, we're going to die in here because of you!"

Wolverine shrugged. He made himself comfortable against the wall of the room, and then pulled out another beer. "Hey, I didn't see you complaining when I got this thing-" he patted a large, cubic suitcase next to himself- "in less than half the time following that piece of shit would've taken."

"Wow. Two hours getting in and six plus hours getting out. Excellent job."

Wolverine tossed the fresher beer at her, which she failed to catch. "Look, kid- Doom is a maniac, but a technologically-inclined maniac- you realize that, right? Chances are he would use that tracker to lead us into a trap,. Now, I probably wouldn't mind that. Not too sure about you, though." He tapped the side of his can. "…Damn, he's probably tracking us with it."

"…Is this because you were gonna have a slow Thursday? Like, you didn't want to spend another sad day passed out in a bar again, so instead you decided to get yourself trapped with your part-time kids in a haunted castle? Is that it?"

"Welp, you caught me. I'm sorry. Wouldn't have done it if I knew you were immune to lava."

"Fuck you."

"Wish I could." Wolverine took another slow drag of beer. "Do you hear a buzzing sound?" He asked when he finished.

"What?"

"A buzzing sound. Because, I've been hearing one on and off for about the past half hour."

Kitty first thought up a retort about his age, until she realized that she did hear a buzzing sound. It was a like a muffled chainsaw, or a large, muffled hornet.

BrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRKKKKK-! Suddenly, its volume expanded into a shrieking roar that quickly stopped- and Logan began spitting out his drink.

Kitty looked at him. "What? What's wroh my fucking god."

The bloody tip of a chainsaw protruded from Wolverine's stomach. Logan stared down at it for a good minute, before shrugging nonchalantly and setting down the beer.

A muffled voice came from the wall behind him. "I. Wow. Well. I Am So, So Terribly Sorry. I did Not Know a Person would be Right There, just- Right, There. I Thought He or She would Hear the Noise and Move Away before… Goodness, I Am So, So, So Sorry, I. Wow. I Am A Terrible Person…"

"No, nope. Everything's fine, darlin'- don't worry, we're fine," Logan called back. "Everything's fine, just don't push in any deeper."

Bluh, Long Chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Anyways, about having Karkat being the only character- I thought about it originally, and thought that the entire Marvel universe would be really big for just one Homestuck character. But I can still show Karkat getting into whacky shenanigans with Spiderman and a lot of other characters later on.


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